#abuse,#love,#hurt

Spousal abuse is never acceptable.  Marriage is a union of a man and a woman before.   Both agree to love and cherish one another until death they do part.  Therefore, there is no place in marriage for abuse.  If there are unresolved issues, work on solving them.  If there is pain from past relationships, work on getting healed.  Do not take your pain out on your spouse.  Marriage is honorable in the sight of God. Do not give the adversary place in it to destroy it.  A vow was made in the front of God and witnesses.  Seek help if you need it.  Talk to your Pastor or an older couple that has history.  Marriage takes work, but it should not include abuse.

Here are some warning signs of an abusive relationship.

1. push for quick involvement- pressures a woman for an exclusive commitment immediately.
2. jealousy - excessive possessive, calls constantly or visits unexpectedly, prevents girl friend from going to work because she might meet someone, checks the mileage on the car.
3. controlling- interrogates her intensely, insists that she ask permission to anywhere.
4. unrealistic expectations -expects her to be the perfect mate and meet his every need.
5. isolation- cuts here off from family and friends; deprives her of phone, car or job
6. blames others for problems and mistakes- someone else fault if anything goes wrong.
7. makes everyone else responsible for his feelings- "you make me angry, you're hurting me, you should make me happy.
8. hypersensitivity- easily insulted
9. cruelty to animals and to children
10. playful use of force during intimate times- finds it exciting
11. verbal abuse- constantly criticizes, sleep deprivation, relentless verbal abuse.
12. rigid roles- she should serve, obey, and remain at home, with little regard for her personal needs, wishes, rights or well being.
13. sudden mood swings- from sweetly loving to explosively violent.
14. excuses for past battering - says others made him do it, or situation brought it on.
15. threats of violence -next step is action.
16. physical abuse - includes hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing violently, forcible physical restraint, forced sexual activity. After an abuse incident, he typically apologizes and promises not to do it again, bu the cycle continues sooner or later.  At this stage, he is highly unlikely to change his behavior unless there is drastic outside intervention and accountability.
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Many times I have heard it said that the Church does not address domestic violence.  This is not true.  Seek help if any of the above apply to you.